In the past I would worry I was not the one you adore Now I’m frightened that I don’t love you anymore My body freezes as I shudder forwards to reach you I cannot say “I love you” for my lips are numb and blue I wonder why I would want you with me From this statue of ice you could be free You are stubbornly in my grasp—so still and cold With arms tightly around me—won’t do what you’re told In the past I would worry I was not the one you adore Now I’m frightened that I don’t love you anymore I don’t believe you when you tell me that I’m pretty and smart I think I’m ugly with a wintery heart I stand unmoved in the silent air At sixteen your name was said as a prayer On my snow-white face shines icy tears I know you’ve been there for me all these years You don’t let go reminding me of emotion You see again that girl rosy with devotion Until your warmth causes her to wholly melt And she thanks you for the love she felt
Thank you for reading my poem and looking at my drawing of The Statue of Ice! Please interpret the poem in a way that is meaningful to you. In case you would like to know the inspiration for the piece, it expresses my personal thoughts and feelings about worrying if my soulmate is truly themself. My delusion–agonising over if “I was not the one [my soulmate] adore[s]”–provoked my anorexia nervosa as I would try to change myself to be more worthy of their love. Remembering the traumas of refeeding and my voice being taken away sometimes make me numb: I cannot feel if I love this person or not, or remember what love is. As described in the poem, their love for me is actually unconditional, and they are essential to my recovery from my mental illness. The image of the statue of ice was created with water colour coloured-pencils, and the background’s colours became more vivid and were blended with a water brush.